It’s been said that after an affair, your choice boils down to reconcile or divorce. I find that approach is overly simplistic. It definitely makes things simple, which works with machines, but not with your marriage and family relationships.
My reason for taking that position is that you still need healing whether you reconcile or divorce. Changes are needed in your relationships and within yourself.
Divorce cuts you off from an important relationship in your life. It separates you from critical problem solving abilities. What the simplistic approach doesn’t take into account is that over time, you and your spouse’s brains have started working together.
In working together, the two brains start rewiring. The simple approach neglects that fact. You still need your spouse’s brain in getting healed, even if the divorce option is taken.
You still have to deal with them and talk with them, so divorce doesn’t really bring total closure to your situation.
Even if you choose reconciliation, many couples make the mistake of thinking all is well once the pain levels lessen and forgiveness is given. Healing your marriage requires more.
The two of you need better problem solving, closer connection, and improved communication. The two of you will need to deal with each other on the level of discussing needs, fears, temptations, having a new foundation for your relationship, breaking unhealthy patterns and blind spots.
If your conversations don’t include these topics, you are settling for less than optimal circumstances. You’re treading water rather than swimming.
I like things being simple, yet I know relationship choices when it comes to affairs aren’t that simple. This is one reason you’ll find your mind going from one extreme to another as you deal with the affair.
In my Affair Recovery Workshop program, I address these areas and more. You can learn ways of moving past roadblocks and defenses along with rebuilding your marriage.
Click and download your copy of the workshop today.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
