Anthropologists tell us that when you change the habits, you change the culture. When this is applied to your marriage, then changes in your marriage will come with changes in your habits.
Changing the culture of your marriage is important in keeping affairs from happening again. If all you do is make-up with your spouse, but have not changed the culture of your marriage, you are at risk of an affair happening again.
So, how can you change the culture of your marriage? Start with your habits. Change how you treat your spouse. Treat them like they are special and have value rather than like someone who you settled on. No one wants to be ‘tolerated’ when they can be cherished.
You’ll need to change the names you call them, how you touch them, and how you talk to them. When you accidentally bump into them, do you ignore it or do you say “excuse me”? How you treat them in these little interactions will either make them feel cherished or ‘merely tolerated’.
You may want to also consider their opinions and suggestions. The more you value them and listen, the more important they will become. It is in their best interest to do what is good for the marriage, so listening to them is to your benefit.
Consider how you treat them in public. Public gestures often mean a lot. Simple things like showing simple manners go a long way in changing your marriage. Although many of the books on improving your marriage talk about what happens in the bedroom, it is how you treat each other in the routine daily activities that sets the stage for the bedroom. When you change your habitual ways of how you treat them, you will see the culture of your marriage change.
Wishing, hoping and praying are all good things, but if they do not bring changes in how your treat your spouse and your habits, they are not helping your marriage or helping you.
Best Regards,
Jeff
