We are living in a digital age, where technology can be used to facilitate almost anything. Unfortunately, this includes the increasingly prevalent issue of marital infidelity. Technology has made it easier than ever for people to seek out and engage in extra-marital affairs with others online, sometimes without their spouse even knowing.
It’s important to recognize that, although technology does make it easier for spouses to cheat on each other, it doesn’t eliminate the responsibility for the individual’s poor decision-making. Each person still needs to be accountable for their actions and must face any consequences that arise from their choices.
In many cases, technology such as social media and sexting platforms can serve as tools of expression and exploration within the confines of a healthy relationship. However, if these same tools are utilized improperly or abused by one or both parties in a marriage it can put tremendous strain on a relationship. In fact, according to recent statistics, infidelity is now one of the leading causes of divorce in many societies due to its prevalence among married couples who are using technology without proper boundaries or self-control.
An article from a college newspaper posed an intriguing question. The question was “Has technology made cheating a social norm?” I’m not sure if technology has made cheating the norm, but it certainly has made infidelity easier.
The question started me thinking about how technology has changed society and impacted relationships. I mentioned how the medical technology in contraceptives changes physical attraction yesterday.
Medical technology has also removed many of the health related consequences and STD’s that kept many previous generations from acting out.
Besides medical technology, advances in digital technology have made ‘hooking up’ easier than in previous generations. The many specialized apps for smart phones make creating a ‘secret world’ easier.
There’s apps that hide other apps. Apps that create secret files, apps that self-destruct photos and files like something in Mission Impossible. It makes having a second secret lifestyle possible.
There’s something about a secret world that makes cheating more tolerable for many people. When cheaters can now compartmentalize cheating from their ‘real’ life.
The author of the article in the college newspaper sees this as a by-product of technology. I view the issue as a ‘human nature’ problem.
When you follow human nature, the assumption is made “no one is watching“. When you think no one is watching, you assume no one will be any wiser regarding your actions.
When your morality is based on who finds out instead of what’s right and wrong, then when opportunities for cheating appear, cheating happens.
At it’s lowest level, human nature lives by the standard of ‘Morals only exist when they are on public display’. Morals are talked about rather than lived out.
I saw this in the survey I conducted on affairs with over 500 couples. Many cheaters reported espousing one set of values, yet acting out another. Opportunity dictated behavior rather than moral convictions.
Technology has enhanced the ability to sneak and hide, which if you have the willingness to cheat, makes affairs possible. That ability to hide gives cheaters an opportunity to live out their secret lives. Technology has made sneaking around more accessible.
As part of human nature, potential cheaters only look at short-term gains rather than long-term effects. I see this as part of a maturity factor. It takes time and discipline to consider long-term effects of your choices.
Technology without morality is dangerous. When technology is used within a moral framework, I don’t see it filled with destructive dangers.
Technology makes access to others and to destructive influences much easier. With continued advances in AI and sex robots, the dangers are increasing rather than decreasing.
If you have mishandled technology regarding affairs, there’s hope. In the video “Help for the Cheater, starting the Road to Recovery” you can learn what initial steps are needed in turning your situation around.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
