Assumptions have ways of messing you over. This is true in business, in life and when it comes to affairs. In my own life, some of the biggest messes I had to face resulted from making big assumptions.
With affairs, one assumption I encounter that creates messy situations is incomplete affair recovery. You assume once your marriage is over that you no longer have to deal with the affair or the cheater.
You assume that since your ex had the affair and not you, that everything is fine. This is a HUGE assumption. The truth is affairs impact both spouses.
They may have had the affair, yet you carry scars from it as well. Ignoring those scars allows them to metastasize.
You may have quit working on affair recovery issues or even never started since you put on the blame on your spouse. They messed up, they made a bad choice. Since they made the choices, you assume that you’re in the clear.
The dangerous assumption is that since you were cheated on that you have nothing to work on. The truth is that your hurts, anger and fantasies need healing as well. You have resentments and attitudes that were damaged by the affair.
When you don’t deal with your own business, it has ways of messing up your future relationships and your self confidence. Your spouse may be behind you, but what they did leaves a scar that touches all your future relationships.
This came home when I read a blog post stating “...my experience with being cheated on just f***ed up a new relationship in a way I wasn’t expecting.”
The writer’s words convey the anguish he’s experiencing. His experience happens more often than I’d like.
Part of the reason is that as humans, you continue doing what you were doing, reacting like you did and going through the emotions like you did before. When you don’t make changes, you keep repeating your same old patterns.
When those patterns have been colored by a dysfunctional marriage, there’s a good chance you picked up some bad relationship habits. Your marriage may be over, but not your habits and mindset. Those follow you into all your future relationships.
The way to avoid this situation is by doing the recovery work related to the trauma that the affair brought into your life. In the video, “Overcoming Affair Trauma“, I guide you through ways of resolving those traumas.
Rather than have those old experiences follow you around like a homeless ghost, take action and make the necessary changes now. Instead of continuing unhealthy old patterns, bring them to an end. There are ways of bringing healing and wholeness back into your life.
Click and download today so that you don’t let the affair continue following you around.
Instead of repeating the same old mistakes, you can be taking steps leading to real change. Changes in how you deal with hurts, in changing your attitude and moving past the pains in your life.
Repeating old patterns keeps you trapped on a relationship merry-go-round. Isn’t it time to get off the merry-go-round?
If you need more intense help in breaking the patterns and habits, email me for a consultation or counseling at Jeff@RestoreTheFamily.com .
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
