If you want to frustrate your spouse and wreck communication, one sure way is by asking them ‘unanswerable questions’. Although you may assume that every question has an answer, there are some questions that don’t have logical or reasonable answers.
Unanswerable questions put your spouse in an impossible situation because they cannot answer it no matter what they say. They also convey a lack of trust because you are asking them something that may not be true or have a definite answer. This can lead to further tension and distrust in the relationship.
As a teenager, one of these unanswerable questions that made the circles was “Can God create a stone that is too big for him to move?” The question also has some surface validity and is illogical and unreasonable when it comes time to answer. No matter what answer you give, it is a logic trap.
When you know there is a trap ahead, even a logic trap, what do you do? You either run away or don’t answer the question.
You may have set a logic trap with unanswerable questions with your spouse. This is natural. You are feeling frustrated and trapped, so it’s natural that your questions convey that. Whether intentionally or unintentionally, you ask questions that convey your emotions rather than ones that can be answered.
Whatever the intention of such questions, the effect is frustrating the person it’s directed toward. When frustrated, people tend to shut down. Even your spouse will tend to shut down. This sets up a no-win scenario. You tell them you want to talk, yet by asking them unanswerable questions, you’ve taken steps that shut down communication.
The key to solving this problem is realizing what you’re doing and understanding the effect it has on your spouse. Instead of asking unanswerable questions, take a step back and ask yourself why you are asking such questions in the first place. Is it because you feel frustrated or shut out?
It becomes circular logic frustration. You want them to talk, then you sabotage them talking to you with the unanswerable questions you ask them, even though you really do want responses to those questions. You want your spouse to engage with you and understand your frustration, yet the only way you know to do this is by frustrating them as well.
You may have never thought about whether or not your questions were unanswerable. Could you answer the questions you are asking? If not, they are unanswerable.
If you are stuck in that circular logic frustration of unanswerable questions, then you’ll want the latest video, “Hurting People and Healing Questions” which provides solutions and ways of moving past these ‘no win’ communication situations.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
