Lately, my washing machine has started acting up. There are times it works and times it doesn’t do what it’s supposed to.
It’s lack of dependability has left me with mixed feelings about it. That lack of dependability leaves me unsure of whether to trust it or not. Presently, it could stop working any day which would leave my family and I washer-less.
In the case of my washing machine, I have mixed feelings based on actual experiences with it. I like it when it works, but when it doesn’t, I find myself aggravated.
You may find yourself at time having mixed feelings regarding your spouse. Having mixed feelings is based on actual observations and experiences.
You may even say to yourself about your spouse “I love him, but I’m not in love with him.”
This is a common occurrence in the aftermath of an affair. You’re feeling the pushing and pulling sensations at the same time. To put it another way, you feel the attraction and repulsion at the same time.
Some of you have been confusing mixed feelings with ambivalence. People alternate between the terms, when there are serious differences that impact your relationship.
Ambivalence brings challenges. Ambivalence is about having mixed feeling of love and hate at the same time. You love and hate someone at the same time.
The feelings can happen one after another or at the same time. With ambivalence, the feelings aren’t based on actual observation and facts. You suppose what may or may not be happening.
Your reactions are triggered by the messages sent to your mind, rather than facts like my washing machine.
With ambivalence, either one of you can have feelings of love and hate based on one or two embellished incidents rather than actual real threats that currently exists.
Ambivalence is a threat in the aftermath of an affair. The affair triggers your mind racing through all kinds of scenarios. As your mind races through them, your emotions react.
Those feelings try the bonds of your marriage. At the same time you’re attracted yet repelled by what happened. Your feelings are more extreme rather than the old ones you once had.
When your feelings become extreme, it’s a sign you need help in getting them back to ‘normal’ levels. Those times of ambivalence make it hard knowing what your true feelings are.
When you need extra help consider obtaining a consultation package that includes weekly phone consultations and email support from myself. A consultation package may be what you need in getting over that rough spot where you emotions are controlling you more than you’re controlling them.
To find out about appointment times available email me at Jeff@RestoreTheFamily.com
Ambivalence can keep you stuck in neutral. You can move your marriage forward, past the ambivalence with a little help.
Keeping it Real,
Jeff
