One of the previous emails that generated many responses asked the question “Are you being groomed to cheat?” The number of responses told me that this is a concern for many of you.
I realized after writing it that the topic needs further attention. It’s likely that grooming is going on that you never considered.
The grooming I’m referring to is the ‘normalization’ of affairs. With clock-like regularity television programming gives you hour after hour of presenting infidelity as ‘normal’ and ‘routine’.
First, consider that the average US adult spends 5 hours and 38 minutes a day watching television. That kind of exposure starts shaping your thinking on the topic.
Even if you only watch 3 hours a day, the repeated presentation of affairs as ‘normal’ will eventually wear you down. At a subconscious level, your mind absorbs what’s presented to it. During that time, consider how may times you are presented with the idea of sex as a recreational activity.
Secondly, have you noticed that when couples engage in infidelity on television, they rarely express grief or repent their actions? The shows portray gratification without responsibility.
They have affairs without regret. Their lack of responsibility concerning sleeping with other people’s spouses trains your mind. The mirror neurons in your brain pick up on that and start copying what they viewed. Your mind sees others do it and starts imagining that you can do it as well.
The message being conveyed is that people can engage in illicit sexual behavior without any negative consequences. It’s ‘normal’ to have affairs, and you shouldn’t feel guilty about it.
This type of programming is not new. It’s been going on for decades, but the internet has taken it to a whole new level.
That training increases in effectiveness when you’ve already consumed wine or alcohol while watching. Whether you intend for the programming to change you, it sends a message to your mind.
When in graduate school, one of the courses I took opened my eyes concerned the effects of television on you. At that time, shows like the Brady Bunch, Julia, and many of the Saturday morning shows were focused on normalizing blended families and single-parent homes.
Now, few people blink or think anything is wrong with blended families or single-parent homes. The programmers worked hard at removing the social stigma associated with divorce and the ones surrounding single-parent families.
I’m not sure if they the programming contributed to blended families and single-parent households. I know that there’s more acceptance of those family configurations now.
I learned about the techniques used in shaping your thinking and your values. By viewing such situation so frequently, you begin accepting them as ‘routine’ or business as usual.
When you view the many episodes of affairs without repentance or consequences, it softens you up to accept those situations and outcomes. You’re being programmed in the images to accept cheating as normal and routine.
I also know that gratification outside of marriage has real-life consequences. Separating the two creates instability and unsound thinking. The affair may have happened recently, yet the softening up has been going on for a while.
This means recovery from the affair is not just limited to getting back together again. It also includes getting yourself and your thinking back together.
Recovering from an affair requires more than just ending it. Recovery also includes changing your thinking about affairs and how acceptable and routine they are.
If all you’ve done is end the affair, the risk of affair relapse is high. In the video, “Overcoming Affair Relapse”, I address many of the changes needed in your thinking in order to reduce the risk of affair relapse.
The affair has to be removed from the cheater’s heart and head. Just stopping it isn’t going far enough.
Click and download your copy of the video today.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
