Anytime a reader wants to know whether or not infidelity is a ‘victimless crime’, it sets off alarm bells in my head. Just the term itself has the connotation of sneaking around the legal system. It acknowledges the wrongness of the act, yet avoids identifying the victim.
A reader recently wanted to know the answer to the ‘victimless crime’ approach.
When you start looking at adultery in ‘purely legal’ terms, it gives you a distorted picture of things. When it comes to whether or not infidelity is a crime, much depends on the jurisdiction involved. I seldom hear the term ‘criminal adulterer’, even though it should be considered as such.
In some jurisdictions, it remains a crime, while others don’t consider it so. Even when you remove the criminal aspects, there is still the question of whether infidelity is grounds for divorce and the matter of moral turpitude associated with it.
Infidelity may be legal where you live, but that doesn’t mean it’s without legal ramifications. This is part of what I’m getting at with the sneaking around the legal system comment.
From a relationship perspective infidelity always has at least one victim. Typically everyone involved is hurt by what happened to some degree.
Even if we set aside the emotional damage that comes from being cheated on, there are still very real consequences that can come from an affair. Not the least of which is the potential for STD’s.
While some may argue that cheating is a victimless crime, I disagree.
The thing about the hurt is that it stains you in a way that never goes away. Long after the affair is over, the hurt remains. Those hurts can drive other actions that aren’t so ‘victimless’.
Those hurt by an affair can be blinded by their desire for revenge. They want to hurt you back the way you hurt them. It becomes a vicious circle of revenge and payback.
When one incident has so much hurt associated with it, using a term like ‘victimless’ is nonsensical. Rather than viewing infidelity in legal terms, and using your brinkmanship in seeing what you can get away with, the better solution is to consider whether it’s the right thing to do.
If it’s not the right thing, then don’t do it. If you have done it, then start repairing it.
In the video, “Help for the Cheater: Starting the Road to Recovery“, I address many of the issues involved with starting recovery from an affair. Click and download your copy of it today.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
