There are times I find myself bamboozled by the relationship experts used in mass media. On reading what they tell others, it’s no wonder that many of you are confused.
The latest concerns the question of “What can you do when your friends can’t forgive your partner for cheating?” In response to this question, the ‘experts’ at Bravo responded with advising readers to be patient with those friends. They went on encouraging readers to let those friends know what you’re working on in counseling.
That kind of advice creates more problems, and doesn’t address the root issue. The whole idea of including them in more of your personal life and struggles after you told them too much already strikes me as counter-productive.
Given the source, it’s likely that they want more drama in your life rather than you working things out. They benefit from you being emotionally wrapped up and looking to them for more.
Perhaps you prefer being the center of your friend’s attention and having daily doses of drama. It certainly gives you something to talk about with your friends.
The more of your personal life you involve your friends in, especially when it comes to affairs, the messier things will get and the longer it will take for recovery from the affair.
I take a different approach that takes you to a different place.
When an affair happens, you need healthy boundaries with the cheater and with your friends. Instead of bringing them into more of your personal by telling them everything, you need to tell them less.
The more you share with them about the affair, the more they will take up the offense as their own. Your spouse cheated on you, not them.
You need less drama and more recovery. Your focus needs to be on making changes in your relationship not sharing the details with your friends, so that your relationship becomes their relationship.
If you want to know more about handling the crisis of Affairs, consider purchasing the video on ““Getting past the Affair Crisis”“. It will guide you in the direction of recovery instead of creating more drama.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
