One aspect about affairs that makes dealing with them a challenge is the two in one quality they often contain. There are often two affairs that have to be dealt with.
There is the actual physical affair and then there is the mental or virtual affair. Each has a different set of dynamics. In the days before the internet, some people exploited this difference and made their spouses believe they more aware of virtual issues and grasp the concept better.
Now many spouses are aware how damaging even a virtual affair can be on their marriage. With the internet people often develop relationships with people they have not met face to face.
Even though they have not met, the effects of their relationship are very real. The damage done by virtual actions are very real. Trust is still violated by virtual infidelity.
In recovering from the effects of an affair, it is important to address both affairs. When only one is addressed, the person involved in the affair often does mental gymnastics switching between the physical affair and the mental affair.
When they are asked questions, defense mechanisms often kick in and they twist their response to avoid assuming responsibility for their actions, thoughts and emotions.
Only when responsibility for one’s thoughts, actions and emotions are addressed for both the physical and mental affairs occurs can there be a healing dialog.
Regards,
Jeff
