Although you may want to break up the affair, there may be other parties who are working against you. In some cases, it may even be the cheater’s family doing so. (I address the family dynamics of affairs in a chapter in my “How to Survive Your Partner’s Affair). When the family steps in, you may find yourself feeling outnumbered. I have seen families involve themselves if they do not feel that you are ‘worthy’ of their child, or that the lover has more potential than you (or more money), or if there is some kind of secondary payoff for them, or if they have a grudge against you, or if they are just plain EVIL.
When you are faced with an affair as part of a family dynamic, you will need to recognize what you are up against or you will be blind-sided. When it is the family, you may need to set boundaries and contain things before you do any intervention. If you try breaking up the cheater and the lover before containing the family which is supporting the affair, it could blow up in your face. Most parents want their children to be happy. This is also true for the family of cheaters. They want the cheater to be happy. If they think that the cheater is happier with the lover, they may turn on you. I know they should do the ‘right thing’, but not all families make right/wrong decisions on morals. Some make those choices based on emotions and how it leaves people feeling. In these days of ’emotional intelligence’, there are more families opting for the happiness option.
As part of containing things, at least neutralize the cheaters family in terms of keeping them from meddling.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
