Let us assume that you have managed stopping the on-going interaction between the cheater and their paramour. Stopping that interacting is merely the start of the process. Keep in mind that the affair started in the cheaters head before they began finding a partner to act out their fantasies with. Once they are cut off from their lover, you will have to make it through the ‘withdrawal phase’ of affair recovery.
Yes, the cheater will have to go through a withdrawal. They will have to sever the ties and connections, physically, emotionally and spiritually. They will not only need to quit seeing the lover, they will need to quit fantasizing about the lover, quit daydreaming about the lover and quit dreaming about the lover. The power of the lover will need to be reduced and eliminated. I use the term ‘reduced and eliminated’ because they will need to have the power source cut off before they can be gotten rid of. This means you may need to find out how the lover exerts influence over the cheater. Is it through gifts, songs, places or something else? You will need to identify what these are and remove its influence. The cheater will likely downplay the influence. They may say that those gifts or songs on their ipod mean ‘nothing’, but the reality is often different. The cheater may not realize how they have been trapped into the relationship.
This is all part of ending the affair in their head.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
One Response
I agree totally ….music is powerful in it’s influence and effects upon emotions and thoughts. It is known in all areas of society ..Madison Ave for example.
The one thing that I feel is very true is that until the cheater understands the losses to THEMSELVES in what they have been doing …they will be less proactive and involved in change.
They have to WANT to make the changes . They need to understand that propetuating the thoughts that come to mind ..as ‘good memories’ of bad choices only keeps them from enjoying the way the marriage they once enjoyed will be restored.
As Jesus pointed out the images in your mind are what either promote or prevent enjoying what you have
Thankfulness that arises from thinking about the blessings you DO have results in contentment and action upon that recognition to preserve and build more solid reality in what is your appropriate place to build .
Marriage is based upon a VOW of LOYALTY to do for and with the spouse of ones choice FOR LIFE
Other ‘forms’ of ‘marriage ‘ are being brought to the table for consideration but they do not offer the secure situation that a promise of loyalty and working to keep that promise does for life.
All other relationships that people think are more ‘doable’ offer the ‘exit’ which in time does not provide the kind of stability for ALL within that family that is part of the fruit or benefit of a lifelong pursuit of selflessly serving the other …and those who are growing up observing this kind of loving .