Equality and social justice are terms that may sound ‘cool’ in your college classroom, but they have no place in your marriage. If they were applied to your marriage, then not only would there be equality between the spouses, which sounds good, there would be ‘no special preferences’ given to you concerning your spouse. Any other woman or man would have an equal say in claiming them. Not only would they have equal claims, they would have just as many legal rights to your spouse and your kids as you do. Such a relationship is dysfunctional. It would not allow you to have any security in your marriage. You would always be wondering if you may loose your spouse. Marriage would denigrate into a ‘flavor of the day’ mentality to human relationships. That kind of relationship does not provide for a secure or a sound marriage.
It may be a shocking realization, but equality does not work in marriages. Social justice does not work in marriages. For a marriage to work, you need to have a special exclusive relationship with your spouse. You need to have preferential treatment in that you have rights and privileges in that relationship that others do not have. You will also need the right to limit other’s access to your spouse.
What does this mean when it comes to affairs? It means that if your cheater starts talking about wanting ‘equality’, if they actually follow through on what they are talking about, it will destroy the family and any special relationship. When a cheater talks equality, the end product of their thinking will lead to the ‘flavor of the day’. Equality sounds good, and like many ideas that sound good, yet in reality are unworkable, this is one of them. If you think that I am being extreme, consider how there are some social activists who view preferring your family above others as ‘familialism’ and are working to undermine it. (Here are some more articles on familialism. There are even courses taught on the subject as well.)
If you value your marriage and consider it a special relationship, where you have exclusive rights to your spouse and family, then act like it. If you want the special relationship yet talk about the virtues of marital equality, you may actually be weakening your marriage. Remember that equality means not only that you and your spouse are equal, it also means that others have the same equal rights as you when it comes to your spouse.
Dangerous ideas often have dangerous consequences.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
