Shame often keeps the couple from telling each other the truth and accepting the truth of what occurred. When couples are married, there are many expectations that each spouse has. When those expectations are not met, shame develops. One of the painful aspects of an affair is having to deal with the shame of what occurred, whether you are the resolute spouse or the infidel. Responding to the shame is key in keeping the behavior from becoming an entrenched pattern. If you respond to shame by blaming the spouse and humiliating them, then you may be contributing to keeping a pattern of alternating between being in control and out of control behavior continuing. If this alternating pattern of switching between being in control and out of control are in your marriage and affair situation, you may be dealing with a sexual addiction rather than a rejection of the spouse.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
