One part of affairs that I’ve never seen research on is that of ‘affair awareness’. At the mention of the term, the first thing that comes to mind is the many checklists concerning the signs of an affair.
By this time, you’ve likely seen those checklists and are familiar with the items on them. This is definitely one part of affair awareness.
The part that concerns me is “How many times you have to see evidence of the affair before realizing one is going on”. I know that in the realm of marketing, you have to see something 7-10 times before it registers.
I wonder if the same idea applies to cheating. Do you have to see signs of cheating 7-10 times before it registers in your mind? Even when it does finally register, that doesn’t mean you’ll take action on it. It may take another 7-10 times of seeing another sign of cheating before you admit there are several signs that something isn’t right.
One reason for this concerns how the brain works. Your brain doesn’t always catch what it should.
The second reason is what I want to spend some time on. The second reason is a lack of engagement with your spouse. When the two of you aren’t engaged with each other, you lose your sense of connection.
When the two of you are engaged, you know where each other’s heart is. You pick up on things much sooner when the two of you are engaged.
One problem with this kind of engagement is that your daily life is filled with engagement killers. These are tasks that distract and misdirect you.
Engagement killers also contribute to creating distance between the two of you. Once they do their damage, the two of you drift further apart. It’s in that distance that affairs happen without you noticing for a while.
In the video “Rekindling Closeness and Regaining Satisfaction”, I explain engagement killers more extensively. These items have a way of sneaking up on your marriage and draining its lifeblood.
When you know what they are, you can take action in stopping them before they damage your relationship. Ignoring them only allows them to work their damage undisturbed.
Click and download the video today so you can start removing this danger to your marriage.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
