One of the sensitive issues that arises in dealing with affair concerns ministers. One of the challenges faced by ministers or any religious leader is that of devoting more time and attention to the church than to their spouse. Those in ministry often make excuses for their over-involvement and can generate many good sounding excuses for neglecting their spouse and their needs. Many marriages and lives have been damaged in the name of religion. Although the minister may not be sleeping with anyone, they give the majority of their time, attention and affection to their religious institution rather than to their spouse. The spouse often feels neglected and abandoned, but suffers in silence thinking that to question what is going on will indicate that they have a lack of faith, or do not follow their religious tenants closely enough or that they are selfish. In such cases, the spouse is not selfish, but rather the minister who places others ahead of their spouse.
Confronting ministers who have placed church ahead of their family is often not easy. Since they have good intentions or the ‘best’ intentions and tell themselves that they are busy doing God’s work, they do not want to hear that they are acting like an infidel. They do not want to believe that they are cheating with their affections. The families often know the truth, and are frequently filled with symptoms of the neglect. In such cases, the minister often defends their intentions and turns a blind eye to the impact of their actions.
Affairs with the church are not limited to pastors, ministers, rabbis or imams. It is also a danger for spouses to become so involved with church or religious activities that they neglect their spouses. In the name of ministry, there are times that the outreach is too effective. When the activities of the church take precedence over the needs of the family, there are problems.
Whether the cheater is the minister or a member of the body of believers, the denial of their cheating often focuses on their intentions. They neglect the needs of the home, claiming that they have a higher calling. The church history books are filled with the lives of ministers whose home lives were in shambles related to such neglect. The letters of many of those ministers often express regret at the damage they inflicted, and a desirous wish to turn things around. Rather than get caught in such a bind, it is important to address the threat when it surfaces.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
