You may wonder “What happens when cheaters marry?” Although the question may have crossed your mind in terms of a ‘what if’ scenario that you hope does not happen and that you fear.
The question has some thought provoking information when seriously considered.
First, let us consider how often the cheater actually marries their lover. Depending on the statistics you use, it can be anywhere from 25% to 10% of the cheaters do this. So, the odds are that they won’t marry their lover.
Below are what I have seen in my experiences and observations. These may not apply evenly to each cheater marriage. The underlying issues remain the same, yet how they deal with them may vary. I warn you now, they may upset some of you who take offense easily.
When the the cheaters do marry, the relationship begins on shaky ground. Both spouses enter the marriage bringing with them rejection issues, loss issues and insecurity that the relationship will end when their spouse is no longer interested in them.
They start out with many hurts and emotional baggage rather than with a clear conscience and high hopes.
Although promises are made in a sham marriage ceremony, the reality is that they are both insecure. There is no security in the promises made.
Since the cheater didn’t honor the vows they made before, what’s to keep them from dishonoring them again. You may think, “This time it’s different” or “Now I’m older” or some other excuse.
You thought you were man enough or woman enough to enter marriage before. Were you man enough or woman enough to work through your conflicts? What changed between then and now?
Any acknowledgement of God being a part of their marriage is for window dressing. They may even be doing it for show The Bible makes it clear how God feels about putting away your spouse.
There’s no basis for the fullest divine blessing since their relationship was under dubious circumstances.Whatever blessings will be constrained by what happened.
In all likelihood, the two spouses have already twisted their theology to accommodate their illicit relationship. When theology is twisted, there’s no room for the real God, only one that suits their needs.
A relationship with the real God would have conviction, which they do not want to face. These theological compromises often lead to compromises in other areas of morality or spirituality as well. They may be active in church, but any activity always has severe limitations.
You’ll not be able to take firm stands on moral issues due to their situation. You have already shown that ‘keeping the peace’ and maintaining your relationship with the lover is more important than doing what is right. The inability to take moral stands hinders what you can do.
You may be able to make their relationship work, although it will be at a cost. That cost often involves family conflicts or intense emotional issues that are handled privately.
They may also have to deal with issues in a very superficial manner. Since many people are into ‘playing nice’ these days, their dealing with matters in a superficial manner often translates into being people pleasers.
Recall that they have rejection issues and will want to be ‘liked’. They want to be liked by others, and liked by their kids. This compromises their morals, in that it is more important for them to be liked than to do what is right. Doing what is ‘right’ will be redefined as doing what is popular. Taking a stand for what is morally right is often too risky or controversial.
There is also a high risk for jealousy. Since there is insecurity included in the nature of their marriage, any potential threats whether real or imagined will be dealt with harshly.
Given that you started your marriage under the cloud of adultery, you’ll always being on the lookout for ‘others’ who may take their spouse away or pose a potential threat to them. Your relationship security is only good until the next cheater comes around.
The cheaters marriage is not idyllic by any means. They find that the fantasies that they once entertained are not what they imagined them to be. The wild, passionate sex is no longer as wild and passionate as it once was. The thrill of the imagined relationship is not what what a real relationship with their lover turns out to be.
Best Regards,
Jeff
