An affair by either parent impacts your child’s life. The extent of the impact varies from situation to situation. Although mainstream academia hasn’t addressed the issue in detail, the impact is real.
Researchers know the impact of mothers on their children. They’ve not publicized what happens when that relationship is impacted by something as disruptive as an affair.
A reader expressed wanting to know “What is the impact of a mother’s affair is on a grown adult son?”. Let’s takes a closer look at that question.
At the very least, there’s a disruption of trust. At the mildest, the adult son will have difficulties trusting their mother is specific areas.
The difficulty trusting his mother may spread across to other areas, making it difficult to trust his mother in any area. This may show up as guardedness around his mother, frequent conflicts, suspicion regarding activities, hesitancy to talk to his mother, or hesitancy to allow his mother access to his children.
The disruption of trust is related to the keeping of secrets and telling of lies that come with affairs.
There’s also the disrespect issue. A mother’s affair shows disrespect toward marriage, God and the family in general.
Besides disruption of trust, there’s also the disruption of male-female relationships. The son may have difficulty in his relationships with females.
It may be limited to females that resemble or remind him of his mother or extend further to all females of a particular age range to all females in general. The amount of disruption is often associated with how the issue of the affair occurred and was dealt with in the home.
The mother may minimize what happened in order to save face, yet not realize the long term consequences of her actions. Affairs always have consequences.
Depending on the nature of the affair, there could also be other issues. If the affair was with a police officer, there may be a distrust of police. If with a pastor, a distrust of those in the ministry, etc.
The affair may have left developmental scars on how he views certain professions and types of men.
It will certainly impact male-female relations. Since mother’s are foundational in how a son develops his attitude and views toward women, those relations will be impacted.
The son may love women, and then leave them. He may make it a point to never allow himself to become close to a woman out of a fear of vulnerability and being hurt.
Mother’s also influence the transition from boyhood to manhood. The affair will shape how he views himself, and what it means to be a man.
Sure, he may be surrounded by manly men, but that is not the sole determinant in the transition. The mother plays a significant role in the process.
When she’s busy with an affair, she is not available either emotionally or time wise to help with this transition.
The bottom line is that the mother’s affair will have an impact. The amount of impact and where that impact shows up differs. When a mother has an affair, it’s more than just something between adults.
Best Regards,
Jeff
