The military uses a term for damage inflicted unintentionally on those who happen to be in the combat area. The term, “collateral damage” is used in describing these effects.
In dealing with affairs, there’s also collateral damage. One group of people that suffer greatly as a result of collateral damage is the children. Affairs hurt children, whether they be toddlers or grown adults. The damage done to the children can be long term and hidden.
Years after an affair is over, the children may still carry shame, anger or guilt related to the affair. Younger children often blame themselves for anything that parents do. “Love children” carry special burdens related to affairs. Even grown children carry symptoms related to an affair. Once an affair occurs, the relationship is damaged between spouses and between parent and child. The trust level that once existed is now gone.
Some adulterous parents are stunned that their children still don’t trust them due to an affair that may have occurred years before. Besides trust, another aspect of the relationship that is destroyed is that of expectations.
The relationship that could have been is no longer possible. Prior to having an affair, it is important to consider the cost, both short term and long term. Is having a hot fling worth risking alienation with your children for years to come? Just because you do not see the damage does not mean that it is not there.
Whether the marriage relationship or the parental relationship has been damaged, this is where my video “How Can I Trust You Again?” comes in. It shows you ways of repairing the damaged trust.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey
