One group of innocents that are often hurt by affairs are illegitimate children. These children grown up with the shadow of the affair always hanging over them. In the cases where they know about the affair, it reminds them of human flaws. They did no wrong, yet they are the ones who shoulder the burden of the affair. When proponents of infidelity claim that it is ‘victimless’, they have not considered the plight of the illegitimate child.
Another group that breaks my heart are those children who grow up never knowing the truth. you grow up thinking that all is well, that your mom is mom and dad is dad. you are unaware of who your true parents are. You may have noticed that you are different than your siblings and have some tastes and habits that are out of synch with the rest of your family, but never considered the question about the legitimacy of your birth. You knew that you felt weird, but passed it off as just your own idiosyncrasies.
In some cases your mother may not even be aware of the situation, thinking that it was just one night, and dismisses the idea that another man may be your father. Or, mom may be holding a dark secret that often gnaws at her, but she can’t discuss it for fear of what would happen if the secret were out. The adage, “Let sleeping dogs lie” is often used in justifying such situations. She may have even changed the birth certificate to silence any questions that may arise.
So the lies associated with an affair continue down to another generation. The lies may bring temporary solutions, but not a lasting settlement.
This may be the time that you begin the healing process. The time to find solid answers rather than continue believing the deceptions. In the old Dr. Suess story of “Are you my mother?”, the little bird goes out seeking his mother. Perhaps it is time to also ask “Are you my father?”
Yes, the pain of such discoveries is often deep, but so is the level of healing that is needed. Your biological father or mother may be out there willing to love and wanting to ask for forgiveness. It is time to put the last lie of the affair to rest.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
