A phrase used by a commenter caught my attention. It was from a wife devastated by several long term affairs of her husband.
She shared the details of what happened along with the struggles she feels inside. She added the phrase “He’s a stranger to me now.”
Her comment started me thinking about how a man goes from a husband she knows to a stranger. That is quite a transformation.
Although it feels like she ‘lost’ her husband, the strange reality is that he’s not lost, she discovered parts of him and his life she had no idea about. Those new discoveries were unknown to her. They are so alien to her that the only way to describe it is that he’s a stranger to her.
Discovering the secret side of your spouse’s life changes you as well. It’s akin to discovering secret rooms and passages in your home you never suspected of existing.
In the case of your spouse, the discovery carries greater emotional impact. What changed is that you uncovered things you never knew existed. It changes how you view them and relate to them.
In her case, the discovery left her feeling so disillusioned he’s now a stranger. The world she thought she was living was a sham. The man she thought she knew is now unknowable.
Her husband’s lies and deception led her into believing a fantasy marriage that was didn’t exist. Now she has trouble trusting her perceptions and herself.
Referring to him as a ‘stranger’ says that what was discovered was vastly different from what she thought. The ‘real’ man so totally in-congruent, he’s now a stranger.
That kind of discovery is traumatic. It leaves you disoriented and in a state of shock. It leaves you questioning not only your spouse, but many things about you and your life.
When things get that far out of whack, you need help in overcoming the impact of the trauma. In the video, “Overcoming Affair Trauma”, I share with you ways of moving past the kind of world shaking trauma that leads to your spouse becoming a stranger to you.
Click and download your copy of the video today.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
