Over the years I’ve learned many valuable lessons. One of those lessons is writing inspirational ideas when they happen.
There are moments when inspiration strikes, be it with complete ideas, novel questions or a quote that resonates with me. The one I want to share with you today is in the form of a question.
Questions have a way of getting your mind thinking. Our brains were designed for solving problems, and answering questions.
There are times when your brain doesn’t want to stretch, even though that’s what it needs. I use questions as a way of exercising my mind.
The question that inspired me was “Whose responsible for affair recovery?”
Although you want your marriage to turn around after the affair, there are times you wonder whose responsibility is it. Although I’m a fan of each spouse accepting responsibility for their own thoughts and actions, someone typically has to make the first move.
Ideally, the cheater is the one who should make the first move toward affair recovery. This is where reality and what should happen are as far apart as two different worlds.
When the cheater does assume responsibility, things run smoother than when you make the first move. Although recovery can happen either way, someone has to take the lead.
Someone has to say “We need to talk.” Someone needs to open up dialogue about the affair and what it’s going to take in order to turn your marriage around.
In the real world, many cheaters avoid taking on responsibility, including for the affair. If they assumed their responsibilities, there would be less lies and fewer conflicts.
Responsibility includes taking initiative. It includes interceding for your spouse when needed. It includes being aware of their needs.
Taking that step of responsibility also includes asking for help when either one of you needs it. You may think that the two of you can handle it by yourselves.
Before either one or both of you find yourselves in too deep, consider joining the support community at Restored Lifestyle. Members there have a more detailed description of ways spouses avoid responsibility. When you know what to look for, you can find better solutions.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
