In a July 2008 article that appeared in the Daily Mail, a counselor, Sarah Strudwick posed the question, “Is there an adultery gene?” In the article, she reviews her own family history and its impact on her life.
Adultery does follow familial patterns. In some families the practice of adultery may be found across several generations. Sarah saw this phenomena and posed the question. In considering the question, I will look at the phenomena from two different perspectives.
First, as a family therapist, it is known that families often repeat patterns. The patterns of interaction they grew up with are often repeated. So those growing up in families with such behavior as adultery will be more susceptible to it occurring in their own lives. No, they are not condemened to be the adulterer themselves or even marry one. They can choose to change the pattern, which requires effort on their part. If they go through life on automatic pilot or just ‘going with the flow’ there is a likelihood that the pattern will be repeated.
Family patterns such as those related to affairs are often repeated, either directly or indirectly. In the case of direct repition, the next generation copies the previous one. In the case of indirect, the next generation changes external behaviors and may not have an affair, yet may end up marrying someone who is prone toward affairs. This way, they do not copy the external behavior. In such cases, they have an attitude similar to the preceding generations adulterers. With a similarity in attitude, they fall into the same interactional pattern without being just like their parent.
In viewing the pattern from the perspective of a clinician, the patterns of stimulation in the brain with affairs is similar to those of substance abusers. After the brain learns the excitement and stimulation of affairs, it craves it. The brain wants to ‘take it to the next level’ or ‘level up’ the amount of stimulation it needs to feel ‘normal’. The adulterer needs the adrenalin rush that often accompanies affairs. From this perspective, the affairs are more about seeking stimulation rather than about love or affection. The problem that develops is that once the brain has been at that higher level of stimulation associated with affairs, it does not want to gear itself back down to the lower level. Life without an affair is seen as boring. The adulterer wants and craves excitement in order to feel alive.
When one generation has an ‘addicted brain’, it increases the likelihood that the next generation will also have an addicted brain. It is known that chemical dependency and alcoholism can pass through generations. In a similar manner, the likelihood of affairs can as well.
So in response to Sarah Strudwick’s question, adultery and its effects do pass through generations. What is not clear is “how” it is transmitted. Is it through learned family dynamics or through chemical processes in the brain. Either way, the effects of infidelity do not stop when the affair is over. The impact of an affair often lasts generations beyond its occurance.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
