Yesterday, one of my twitter followers reminded me that “men and women cheat for different reasons”. My initial response was a sarcastically toned ‘no joke’. Although her statement was obvious, it bears repeating. I pondered what she told me…”Men and women do cheat for different reasons”. The longer I considered it, the clearer the answer became. I started gaining some new insights. There is no skeleton key answer to fit every situation. It may seem obvious to you that there is no ‘one size fits all’ answers for all affairs, but let the ramifications of the statement sink in.
Think about it. There is no ‘one size fits all answer’. That means that when you find yourself asking “Why?” regarding the reason for the affair, your answer will be unique to your situation. There is no one magic answer that someone is going to enlighten you with. You will have to explore that with the cheater and with yourself. The experts can tell you about patterns and how often they hear different reasons, but your situation may not fit any pattern. It may be something about what your spouse believes they need or something that is missing from your marriage. You will need to find out what the different reason is in your case. Why your friend’s wife or co-workers husband cheated is likely not the reason your spouse cheated. You can learn from them, but not all the pieces will fit your situation.
Likewise, if your daughter or son is dealing with cheating. What you came across in books, television shows or a movie does not fit your child’s situation. There may be similarities, but you can not compare apples and oranges. The answer to what happened in the book, article or movie does not mean it will explain what you are dealing with. Find out what your child needs. Listen to them. Listen to their spouse. Find out before you pass judgment.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
