A clear conscience can make all the difference in dealing with affair situations. When you have a clear conscience, you are able to sort through the many issues associated with the affair with greater clarity than those with an unclear conscience. With an unclear conscience, you become vulnerable to the blaming that often occurs. There may be something you did in your past that you continue struggling with. That struggle makes it hard to listen to the cheater without experiencing some self-condemnation of yourself. The biggest danger with an unclear conscience is that you may be tempted to dismiss or overlook the affair and all the issues surrounding it. Even if you had an affair yourself or slept around, it does not excuse what the cheater did. When you make excuses for the affair, it often sets the stage for future problems.
Clearing your conscience will mean that you will have to resolve the issues in your life. You will have to achieve some resolution in order to move ahead. Leaving your own issues unresolved often sets the stage for you to remain stuck in the emotional and spiritual quagmire of your own choices. When you are stuck in a quagmire, you can not help your spouse out of theirs. Unclear consciences also create blind spots in your life. If you knew that your vision had a blind spot, you would take care of it quickly. Now that you recognize that you have a blind spot in another area of your life, you need to address it promptly as well. The sooner you resolve those matters, the more clearly you will be able to see what is needed in your relationship with the cheater. Unclear consciences amount to excess baggage that you do not need to be carrying around.
We all had lives before being married. We made some good choices and some bad choices. You need to learn and move on from any poor choice rather than re-live it and allow it to distort your dealing with what is happening now. Yes, you do have a greater understanding of many of the internal struggles. You may know what areas need to be healed, but if you can not see things clearly, you are limited as to how much you can help.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
