When you are deceived by the cheater it is only natural for you to desire doing the same thing to them. The old payback mindset of ‘fight fire with fire’ often kicks in. Since they deceived you, there is a tendency to feel justified in doing the same to them. You may not go so far as having ‘revenge affair’, yet deceiving them about some matter has great appeal. Bear in mind, that such an approach is still payback thinking. That kind of thinking is great for war and other such conflicts, but not for marriages. Although deception is definitely toned down from having an affair yourself, it is still paybacks. You may want them to feel what you feel or understand from experience what it has been like for you. Torturing them will not get them to listen to you in a healthy way. Yes, they will listen, but their motivation for listening is not based on love. It is based on fear of more punishment. Do you want them to love you and listen to you for who you are or for the pain that you can inflict either directly or through deception?
The best way to fight a fire is with water. The best way to fight deception is with truth. Truth may take longer, but it cuts through the illusions and delusions.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
