In the upcoming report “How Affairs Hack Your Brain“, I mention the ’emotional brain’. For the sake of simplicity, you have a thinking brain and an emotional brain. Assuming you have one and not the other leads to many problems.
In dealing with an affair, it’s important considering both of these. It could be that your talks with the cheater are failing due to you attempting access to the wrong brain.
What’s called the emotional brain are the parts that trigger your emotions and basic drives. This part of your brain is strong and can overpower your thinking brain. The longer the cheater has been giving into this part of their brain, the stronger it grows.
Giving into your emotional brain increases its strength and speed. When its strength and speed are increased, stopping it or changing it feels like an impossible task. It develops bad habits.
This is where having others help you comes in. There are times when your brain needs the help of other brains in restoring balance and stability.
Obtaining help can be as simple as asking advice, or involve the other person being strong for you in dealing with disciplining your emotional brain. The emotional brain seeks gratification. It doesn’t consider consequences or impact of your choices beyond the immediate response.
Having someone walk you through “what will happen if..” scenarios helps your emotional brain slow down and the thinking brain work with it.
This added help you obtain from other brains is referred to as co-regulation. That other brain helps you start regulating yours. There are times you need the energy, insight and thinking of another brain in helping you make it past obstacles.
There’s probably been times a coach asked you “Have you tried it this way?” When you slowed down, you saw that there are other options. This is co-regulation in action. You need that in changing the patterns in your thinking and the thinking of the cheater.
By joining the Restored Lifestyle membership site, you can find other helpful questions and interventions in helping your emotional brain make changes along with receiving the upcoming report on “How Affairs Hack Your Brain”.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
