Cheaters often want to move past the affair as quickly as possible. Who can blame them? It hurts to admit one’s faults. Being under a microscope and having your life examined in detail day in and day out gets old. I can understand how you want to forgive and move on. You may even believe that dwelling on the matter is not doing anyone any good.
Although I understand these things, healing your marriage will take more than forgiveness. Moving on could end up costing you more than you imagine. Pushing your spouse for a premature closure is a sure way to create long term tension in the marriage. They need to resolve many issues before they feel physically and emotionally safe getting close to you. They need a restoration of the ‘spirit of oneness’ in the relationship again. Moving past the affair only makes the distancing permanent. Shutting your spouse up does not mean that the issues are resolved.
You can ignore it and act like it didn’t happen. You can refuse to discuss it anymore, which may help you, but such selfishness only creates an even more intense cycle of conflict and tension.
If you want a healthy relationship with your spouse, it will take time. It takes time to heal. It takes time for the full reality of what you did to sink in. Such events sink in slowly. With each new revelation, there is a deeper level of pain. With each level of pain, it takes time to comprehend it mentally, emotionally and spiritually. It takes more to heal that just admitting the wrong. It takes time for the pain of betrayal to heal.
If you want to understand more, you may want to consider the AffairRecoveryGroup, where many of the important issues are addressed important to couples.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey D Murrah
