There are times I enjoy the memes I encounter. The ones I enjoy best are those that touch on real life.
One category of memes I enjoy are those that portray the difference between how you see yourself, verses how your parents or others view what you are doing. The stark contrasts between all the views is entertaining.
These memes often touch on the secret life you have going on in your own head. How you view yourself and how others view you are two different things.
When the time comes for you and your spouse to seriously talk about the problems in your marriage, have you considered how you do it?
Have you considered the way others view how you handled it?
It’s in problem solving where how you think you come across is very different than how you come across.
The reason for mentioning this is that at those times, you likely act more like a parent than a spouse. You come across more like a controlling parent than a concerned loving spouse.
There are reasons for this. You’ve been put in a new situation outside of your control and your confrontational style reverts to what you know from your childhood. Your mind goes back into its memory banks and selects a style you are most familiar with.
If you question this, ask your spouse. They’ll tell you whether you came across more as a parent or as a spouse. If the two of you haven’t developed good problem solving skills, you’ll go back to the familiar ones you grew up with.
This explains the times your spouse says you sound like your mother or your father. You produced what your memory banks recalled.
The problem is that with your marriage, problems are best solved between two adults. When one of you is more parent or the other is more child, it turns into more of a lecture than a problem being resolved.
You probably think that you are a great communicator as well. You think you express yourself well. You may have expressed yourself, but if the communication channels were blocked or the message unclear, all your talk went nowhere.
Human nature is such that if nothing changes, the two of you will continue following the same ineffective patterns.
This is where the video “Let’s Talk: Hurting People and Healing Questions” comes in. In the video, you’ll learn effective ways of improving how the two of you deal with each other. Your relationship needs some changes, yet few know what to change or how to change things.
Instead of continuing the same old song and dance when it comes to relationship problems, make changes that make a difference.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
