In my early days as a therapist ‘the lifeboat game’ came into vogue. In the game, participants are faced with the choice of who to save in a lifeboat with limited resources.
On the surface, the game presented participants with a multitude of ethical dilemmas. In my mind, it needlessly stressed people out. The hypothetical situation started many lively discussions and did a number on many people’s value systems.
Since one of my job duties at that time was teaching adolescents lessons in life skills, the lifeboat game was a recommended activity. I thought there were better life skills needed than sorting out hypothetical no-win scenarios.
I disliked the lifeboat game, I hated the stressful bind it put people in. At the time, it taught kids about ‘values clarification’.
I now find myself frequently dealing with similar situations to that pointless game. The problem is that now days, the lifeboat consists of the family choosing who stays and goes.
Instead of hypothetical situations, families in crisis are forced to make tough choices on dealing with dad’s new girlfriend or the children of mom’s new husband. Families have limited resources, so someone has to be denied a place in the family lifeboat.
The modern lifeboat forces families to make tough choices. This time, it’s not a class room exercise. The choices made determines who’s in and who’s not ‘in’ the family. People are actually being kicked out and these consequences are real.
There are many ways families determine who is ‘in’ and who isn’t.
Some of the big factors contributing to the modern family lifeboat are affairs, addictions and domestic violence. Decisions are made concerning who gets divorced, who is brought in or birthed into the family.
Most of the time, those decisions are not made by you, yet you have to deal with the consequences they bring.
One common issue in all the offenses that lead to removal from the modern family lifeboat is trust. The offending party did something that damaged the trust bonds within the family.
Choosing not to play the modern lifeboat game is an option which you are often not told about. You can also choose the path of healing instead.
In the video “How Can I Trust You Again?“, you can learn what’s needed in repairing damaged relations. You can choose to do things different rather than face choices forced up on you in the modern lifeboat game.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
