There are times when I find myself wearing multiple hats. I have responsibilities for each of the roles in my life. Handling those multiple roles has me feeling like I’m in the middle of a juggling routine.
At times the roles are complimentary. Those moments I enjoy. When the roles take me in opposite directions, I experience stress. Although my wife jokes about cloning, I haven’t found a way of being in two places at the same time, or in two different roles at the same time.
This brings me to a concern I’ve recently encountered. There are some of you who are either in multiple roles or facing the challenge of encountering someone in multiple roles.
This is beyond multi-tasking. This is trying to be in mutually exclusive roles. Take for example the comment “You can’t be a woman of God, a strong independent woman, a good role model for your children and a side chick.”
Apparently the woman it makes reference to is trying to fill some mutually exclusive roles. She may be compartmentalizing her life, and doing what she can to keep them separate.
There are some roles that take you in such different directions, you can’t do it. In her case, being a woman of God and good role model are not compatible with being a side chick. She may have a dark side of her life which she hides from others, yet when they are so incompatible, they lead to break downs.
She may be able to do it for a while, but it will eventually catch up to her. She will either have to give up being a side chick or re-define what it means being a woman of God and good role model if she wants to keep her emotional stability.
Although being a side chick and being a Godly role model should be mutually exclusive, I’ve worked with some who attempt doing it. They continue bouncing back and forth between one and the other, while attacking those who question her on either front.
That kind of bouncing back and forth makes things unstable. It also makes you vulnerable to stress and being overwhelmed.
If you are stressed out by either being ‘that person’ or dealing with someone like that, you’ll benefit from the video on dealing with Affair Trauma. There may be denial about how being a side chick isn’t really an affair, but you’re fooling yourself.
You need stability and resilience more than you need the double-life.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
