When photos of my 40th high school reunion were posted online six years ago, I looked at them and pondered whether I made a mistake in not attending it. Seeing the familiar faces brought back memories, and feelings for me.
My questions about whether or not it was a mistake were soon answered at a conference I attended. At that conference, one of the presenters, Dr. Merrill Norton, shared a story in illustrating a point he was making about brain chemistry and triggers.
He opened with a declarative “Do not go to high school reunions!” delivered in his thick Georgia accent. There was something about how he said it that gave it a down-home, common sense aspect.
He used the story in illustrating how reunions risks triggering old feelings and how one of his close friends ended up having an affair after attending one. His story answered my question.
His explanation included detailing of the brain chemicals released when those feelings are triggered. It became clear that it’s not just nostalgia. There’s something bigger going on.
When the brain chemicals are released, they begin impacting your body, including your brain. It’s not that you suddenly become stupid.
What happens is that the brain chemicals start turning switches on and off. You’re literally re-wired within a matter of minutes, whether you intended to be or not. Your brain once again transforms into your high school brain.
Think about it. All those old adolescent feelings suddenly get switched on again!
When just seeing pictures of old classmates brought back feelings, I understood. Seeing them in person would trigger even stronger reactions.
I thought I had good self-control, yet those old feelings still got triggered. It was as if my brain was on autopilot. Those warm feelings I had toward some classmates were coming up again.
Those classmates you had crushes on are easily triggered once more. You find yourself working through those emotions all over again. Typically the reactions are triggered along with the consumption of alcohol.
For some people, those old feelings can be so strong that they lead to an affair. It’s not just nostalgia. The brain chemicals are at work.
When you understand how the brain works, it’s easier to make decisions about whether or not to go to a reunion. Although I recommended not going to them, I attended the 45th reunion. Since I knew the potential danger, I was able to navigate those reactions. I tested out the theory and found that it is a real danger.
This triggering is also why those reunions are potential dangers for both you and your spouse. It’s not so much about self-control as it is about brain chemistry.
You may have good intentions, yet those early memories are easily re-activated. This is one of the dangers of re-connecting with old flames on facebook.
Undoing what started in high school takes some work. This is one of the benefits of the download “Affair Recovery Workshop“. In it, I share ways of creating new circuits in the cheater’s brain along with bypassing some of their defenses.
Affairs are not just a matter of self-control. The real action is not in the bedroom, it’s in their brain.
Undoing the affair means changing their thinking along with getting the wiring in their brain back to where it needs to be. You can start making those changes with the workshop.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
