One of the sensitive topics when it comes to affairs is STD testing. When you discover the affair, std testing can turn into a power struggle.
Since many of you are either busy or have few friends, who’s going to share this kind of information you need with you? I want to help you through the challenges you are currently facing, even the tough questions and situations.
Demand that the cheater be tested, even if you only suspect an affair. Gambling on whether or not to demand testing only if they slept with them or not is risky.
Putting yourself in that situation leads to arguments about what constitutes sex. These days STD are spread through multiple channels.
When you demand the cheater be tested, you’ll get reactions.
You’ll likely hear the response, “but we didn’t do anything!” Whether or not the cheater did anything, requiring them to get tested is always a good idea. Getting yourself tested if you suspect an affair is also a good idea.
They could be lying or even not accurately remember what they did or didn’t do. This is especially true if the cheater also has a sexual addiction.
Much like the old shampoo directions of “wash, lather, rinse, repeat”, the cheater needs to “Test, share, and repeat” as long as needed.
If you stop with just demanding they get tested, you aren’t going far enough. Besides demanding the test, you need them to share the results with you along with demanding retesting every six months, until you’re sure the affair is long gone.
Bear in mind, some STD’s don’t show up right away, which is why you want the re-testing. The testing protects you and them. It also reveals the truth better than a cheater’s recall.
Although the cheater may complain that you aren’t trusting them, getting tested and sharing the results is a another way they can start rebuilding trust. It’s not about distrusting them. It’s a matter of trusting results rather than promises and empty words.
One STD can mess you up bad. You aren’t over reacting by demanding testing before allowing your spouse back into bed.
Getting help is the next step. The “Affair Recovery Workshop” is an option that provides you with the know-how in dealing with recovery from the affair and the changes it brings. Making the demands about testing is one of the ways of taking care of yourself, which is what the first section of the workshop addresses.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
P.S. Don’t forget to protect yourself until you see the ‘official test results’.
