It just so happens that a major league pitcher lives down the street from me. This summer I finally met he and his wife.
We even had a chance to talk about baseball and what goes on in a pitchers mind when certain batters come up to the plate. The pitcher looks for patterns.
When he knows a batters patterns, he knows which pitch will work best for him. It’s not magic, it’s just being aware of the patterns or dynamics.
My neighbor made headlines last year for striking out a well known slugger. After talking with him, the secret to his success was knowing the slugger’s patterns.
Although it doesn’t happen often, I finally received an inquiry from a reader about ‘affair dynamics’. The name makes it sound more complicated than it is.
Most of you just questions about what the outcome of the affair may be instead of looking at the patterns behind the affair. The patterns unlock many mysteries.
The study of affair dynamics looks at how people behave around the affair. Although you may assume that your situation is unique, the reality is that affairs follow patterns.
The dynamic part of affair dynamics looks at the patterns behind affairs. When you know the patterns and what to look for, it takes the biggest part of the guess work out of your situation.
When you’re familiar with the patterns that come with infidelity, you know what to expect. Others may think you’re a mind reader. It’s not about reading minds as much about reading patterns.
There are patterns about which families have a higher risk of affairs, patterns about what kind of lovers the cheater hooks up with and how the cheater will align themselves in different conflict situations.
You may be oblivious to patterns that exist. When you’re smack dab in the middle of one of those infidelity patterns, it’s hard to see it.
This is one reason you may not see and understand the patterns until you’re well into affair recovery. You may have even beat yourself up with phrases like “Why didn’t I see that?” or “How could I be so dumb?”
If you try figuring all the patterns and details out on the front end before having enough facts, you end up connecting the dots in ways that lead you astray.
It’s not that you’re dumb or stupid or blind to what happened. You didn’t understand affair dynamics or what patterns to look for.
This includes figuring out what kind of affair you’re dealing with or what happened when before understanding what’s going on in your own marriage.
You may take off like a detective working a case, only to find you spend more time analyzing the cheater than you do working things out with the cheater. That is a self-defeating pattern.
I don’t want to see you waste your valuable time. This is why I included a section on ‘affair dynamics’ in the Affair Recovery Workshop. It’s also placed in the unique sequence at a position where you can your spouse can work together on this important topic.
If you’re curious about affair dynamics, I encourage you to download the workshop and start making changes in your life and marriage.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
