When it comes to being honest, many couples can not distinguish between honesty and cruelty. I mention this regarding affairs since the time will come where you have to be honest with your spouse about affair issues. When you are being honest, there may be times that your honesty turns into cruelty. What you say may be factually accurate, yet your delivery of those facts leave the target devastated rather than encouraged, or feeling closer to you. It is hard getting close to someone who blasts you into oblivion. You may truly feels some strong emotions and have strong opinions. Although you may have them, you could be communicating them in a way that is sure to be ignored, blocked out, and reacted to rather than listened to.
If you are one of those who do veer into the area of cruelty, you may need to work on how to say what you are feeling in a way that gets listened to rather than tuned out. Knowing how to convey your message without having them react defensively is a major accomplishment. I deal with these type of communication issues in my book on surviving your partners affair.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
