When you are not enjoying life due to something or someone holding you back, have you considered the question, “Who is your jailer?” Although it is easy to blame your spouse, your job or who is in office, the real answer often lies elsewhere.
When I was a college student, I struggled with this question. At the time, I worked as loan collections for a finance company.
Calling client after client asking for them to pay money gets old quick. The people you call are not looking forward to talking to you and are not full of smiles and jokes when you reach them. If anything, people avoided talking to me any way they could think of. It was not a job filled with positive uplifting energy.
For me, it was a job that paid the bills. It had no future, I was not interested in advancing in the field, I did not enjoy the work, but it paid the bills.
There were times I wanted to go more places do more things, have more dates, but I needed money and the only way to get money was through the job. In many ways, I felt like I was caught in a loop. At that time discouragement was a big issue for me. That sense of being trapped had a way of draining me of joy.
You may feel this way at times as well. You may feel stuck by your spouse, your debt, or your job. At times, you may think of those things as your jailer. In your mind, you may see those people are things as what is holding you back from enjoying life and having a good marriage.
In dealing with such situations, there are two things you want to consider.
The first is that an affair will create more problems than it will solve. There may be times that you think and affair will fix things. It may give you a temporary thrill and relief, but in the long run, it becomes a crueler jailer than what you presently face. Having an affair is not a workable solution to such a situation.
Second is that your own thinking may be the biggest jailer you are dealing with. In my case, I had limited my options and restricted my thinking to where continuing in the dead end job of bill collector was my only option. Although it wasn’t, at the time I thought it was.
I had to get so frustrated that I began seeking out other options. They were out there, I had just not seen them. When I put away my own self-pity I was able to see those other options.
You also may be believing that some things that just aren’t so. You may be putting limits on your own options. Your own self-pity or discouragement may be putting blinders on what you can see and what you can do. You may be believing lies that have been told to you about your abilities and capabilities.
I know the power of bad thinking. I also know the freedom that comes from changing your thinking about your limitations. This is part of the reason why my approach to affair recovery places an emphasis on changing your thinking.
A changed mind can may all the difference for you.
Best Regards,
Jeff
