During these days, you’ve likely been told “Trust the experts!” Although there was a time when experts knew what they were talking about, these days that’s not always the case. First, consider what makes someone an ‘expert’. In my experiences, I’ve learned that what passes for experts these days may not be what you thought they were.
Any person can say they’re an expert, and if their expertise is in a topic you don’t know about, then that person seems like an expert. They may be just repeating what other experts have said and claiming it as their own – and the people who trust them repeat it too! I’ve seen this myself all too often.
The experts you see in articles and on television are often those who are marketing experts. They’ve learned ways of getting their message out or have paid a promotion firm to make them an expert. Sadly, many people fall for those who are experts at marketing instead of experts whose knowledge is based on experience.
You see this with those who are considered ‘healthcare experts’ paraded in media, even though they have not personally treated a single patient. The public trusts them based on their marketing rather than their clinical skills. They may be on the talk shows and podcasts, but an true expert is based on experience in the counseling room, not behind a microphone.
Today, my focus is on ‘affair experts’. So does that make them an expert on affairs or a marketing expert talking about affairs? Does it show that they have connections or a message? Do you think the television and print media are going to promote anyone telling you that affairs are sinful and destructive to families? When the message stirs convictions, it’s not going to be seen on television screens and promoted in the bookstores. Instead they will tell you that “Love is Love” and that you need to give into your urges.
When one network approached me about being on their program, I refused to merchandise clients and turned them down. To me, a client’s marriage is private and not a public spectacle. Talking truthfully about affairs touches lives in a way that makes the public uncomfortable.
Then there are the experts who write books. They know how to word things in a way that sells books and gets publishing contracts, but does that make them an expert on understanding your situation and how to deal with it?
Who you consider an expert depends on what your goals are. Going to the popular expert will give you prestige, but when your marriage is in shambles, is prestige more important than your relationship?
I think it’s more helpful to look at the values and marriage of your expert. That tells you how their relationship counsel works in the real world. It’s also helpful when experts have experience in dealing with infidelity. Someone who is recently out of graduate school has likely spent their time doing research rather than building a relationship with their spouse.
There are plenty of affair experts out there. Each is experienced and skilled in some area. Make sure that they’re an expert in what you’re looking for. Your marriage is important. I want you and your spouse to get through this time in a way that brings healing. I know first-hand about commitment, resisting temptations and moving past the damage from affairs.
If this is the kind of expert know how you’re looking for, I have some recent openings in my schedule. If you are interested in consultation or counseling about adultery, contact me at Jeff@RestoreTheFamily.com for available times and more.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
