It’s entertaining watching young children take on new tasks. They firmly believe they can do them based on having watched dad do them or having seen them done on television.
They observed the task and believe they now have it mastered. Whether the task is changing a tire or baking a cake, they go into it with gusto. Although I enjoy their enthusiasm, I already know the task will be a failure, but don’t want to dampen their spirits.
Although watching children take on tasks is entertaining and enlightening, when instead, it’s adults faced with affair related tasks, like forgiveness, it’s no longer entertaining. At that point, it hurts seeing them flounder and fail in their efforts.
Some couples learn from what happened while others get discouraged and give up. The biggest area where I see couples flounder like this concerns forgiveness. They think they know what forgiveness is and how to go about it.
I see them take on forgiveness with wrong assumptions and fall flat. The problem is that the stakes of failing at a new task are greater for an adult than a child.
Take for instance a wife who asked, “Does forgiveness elicit disrespect?” She asked this concerning her husband pleading for her forgiveness. She’s hesitant to forgive him thinking that he’ll disrespect her if she does.
In asking the question, it’s apparent to me that she doesn’t understand what forgiveness is, what it means and it’s impact on relationships. She views it as something closer to giving permission.
It’s very clear that is he disrespects her that he doesn’t have a clue about forgiveness either.
If forgiveness elicits disrespect from her husband, then the pleas of her husband and his confession was insincere. Insincerity on his part isn’t the same thing as being disrespectful.
She also doesn’t grasp that forgiveness is more about finding a way of reducing her pain and letting go of resentments. She doesn’t grasp that forgiveness is a process rather than a one-time event.
Her question does alert me to the reality that many of you don’t fully grasp forgiveness. When you don’t understand it, you don’t benefit from it.
This is where the video ‘Forgiveness: Stop the Pain, Tear down the Walls and Remove the Roadblocks” comes in. In that video, I explain what forgiveness is along with taking you through how to do it.
I also address what to look for in terms of repentance, so that you know if the one asking for forgiveness is just going through the motions or whether they’re sincere.
When you know how to use forgiveness, it’s a powerful tool for healing. Take the step of downloading the video today and start the transformation of your relationship.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
