In a recent email, a reader mentioned struggling with temptations as they pulled out of affairs. Although they aren’t having an affair, they continue having thoughts of one.
The thoughts for them is torment. They feel like they are fighting themselves when it comes to temptation.
It would be nice if temptation operated like a light switch. If you had the ability to turn it on or off and it stayed that way, dealing with affairs would be easy.
Many cheaters and would be cheaters dream of temptation being easily controlled with a switch. The mantra of “I just wish I could simply turn it off” has been heard by many of you.
Although biologically, the controls for your thoughts technically do operate like a light switch, when it comes to controlling them, it’s a Herculean task.
There are reasons why controlling tempting thoughts is so challenging.
One reason is that when you have trained yourself in giving into them, turning them off goes against that training. Your thoughts have developed habits that don’t easily change.
They want what they want, they want it their way and they want it NOW!
Giving into your temptations, wears a pathway for your nerves to travel on. Your nerves prefer well-worn and frequently travelled pathways and superhighways to seldom used trails in your brain.
Another factor is that giving into the your urges was initially enjoyable. That enjoyment lures you back into bad choices. Your mind often doesn’t show you where things end up, but instead focuses on the initial enjoyment.
Changing your thoughts can be done, although it requires effort and community. When you have the right tools and techniques, the pathways are changeable. You are not doomed to years of living with the torment of tempting thoughts.
Your mind knows that it took you out of pain before and tries convincing you it can do it again. It constantly replays the pleasure, yet censors the consequences.
At the membership site, Restored Lifestyle, I share how you can start making changes and keeping those changes. There are times you may have some initial successes in dealing with temptation. What helps is when you know ways of keeping those changes in place.
Temptation is often an issue for both the cheater and the betrayed. The more you know about it, the better able you’ll be in dealing with your spouse’s temptations.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
