Although it sounds romantic to throw yourself into “doing everything you can do”, such actions are often driven by emotions. It is always wise to consider the cost. Is the relationship and everything associated with it worth all that you are putting up with. One needs to consider at what point do you draw a line and say, “enough is enough!”. It is not unheard of that a spouse or partner will intentionally have an affair as a way to leave the relationship. They may not have the courage to just walk out and instead make things so miserable for their spouse that they are ‘kicked out’.
By advocating “counting the cost”, I am not suggesting giving up on the relationship. It is important to do what is reasonable and what you should do. There does come a point when you are overextending yourself physically, emotionally and spiritually. When you have overextended yourself, you may find yourself making compromises that are detrimental to the relationship. The focus needs to be on doing the right thing, and allowing God to do his work, rather than you play the role of God and try to “do it all”. You can not force them to love you. When you endanger your family and end up putting more people at risk than necessary, you are likely playing “God” in the matters at hand.
Before you throw everything into ‘saving’ the relationship, including the kitchen sink, you may be doing too much. What is important is to do the right thing. You may have to conduct some soul searching to uncover what the right thing is. Doing the ‘right thing’ is more important than doing ‘everything’.
When a person plays the role of ‘God’, I have often seen that their pride becomes inflated and in the long run, they have to make major attitude changes. You want your spouse to return to you based on their love for you and commitment to the relationship, NOT based on your ability to manipulate them. You want them to come back of their own accord, not your persuasiveness. If they do come back based on your persuasiveness, then all it will take for them to stray is some better persuasiveness from someone else.
Best Regards,
Jeff Murrah
