Although Abraham Maslow is known for identifying his hierarchy of needs, he’s known for another item as well. The other item is often termed “Maslow’s hammer”.
The idea of Maslow’s hammer is that when you have a hammer in your possession suddenly items around you look like nails. Another variant is that when it’s the only tool you have, you use it to fix everything.
I’m sure you’ve had days when you’ve lived out the hammer story. It’s a pithy way of expressing a common experience.
In watching society and the news, I see new versions of ‘Maslow’s hammer’ kind of thinking. The new ‘Maslow’s hammer’ is the mindset of “You gotta make some noise.”
The danger lies in using ‘making noise’ to fix everything wrong in your marriage. You may end up getting your way, but end up alienating your spouse, planting resentments and being ignored.
When you ‘make some noise’ as a way of solving things, your spouse will eventually adjust to it. They’ll begin mentally blocking out your noise since they’ve grown so accustomed to it. The phenomena is known as ‘habituation‘ in scientific circles.
The longer you make noise, the greater the likelihood of habituation. You’ll eventually be ignored.
Making noise cuts through lies and deception, but ends up wounding everyone around you. It also pushes things deeper down into your spouse’s heart. If you want them to talk to you and share with you, making noise isn’t the solution you want.
When it comes to healing relationships, you need more tools than just making noise. If that’s the only tool you have, you’ll find yourself with a load of half-solved problems in your relationships.
Think about it. How is making noise going to improve quiet moments of the two of you together?
Those friends that advice you to ‘make some noise’ are leading you astray.
Making noise is an intervention that cuts through things. It doesn’t draw people closer to you or want to be near you. For that, you need some other tools.
It’s time you add some other tools to your problem-solving. In the video “Let’s Talk: Hurting People and Healing Questions”, I share some other approaches with you. There are other ways of working through issues.
If all you have is the hammer approach, you’re missing out. I encourage you to use some other approaches.
Click and download your copy and within minutes you can be learning others ways of working through the relationship issues.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
