While discussing obsessions and affairs yesterday at the AffairRecoveryGroup, the conversation addressed many painful aspects of obsessions. One of the items that struck me was how the resolute spouse often pulls back ‘into their own world’ after hearing of the affair. I can understand how when faced with such shocking news that you would pull back and try to gather yourself together. What becomes counter-productive is when you stay in ‘your own little world’ while complaining that the cheater has pulled away.
Even the logic of pulling away, while complaining that the cheater has pulled away is mind-boggling. If you are wanting to repair the marriage you will have to do what is counter-intuitive, which is ‘get out of your sHELL’. Staying in your own world or sHELL can become a torment. Your mind often begins telling you things and imagining things that are more a product of your own fears rather than facts. During this time, you need to work on bonding with your spouse and rebuilding, rather than putting up your walls and imagining what lies on the other side. Being in your own little world with your obsessive thoughts is especially tormenting. There are ways out of it, which we will be discussing in the next AffairRecoveryGroup.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey Murrah
