You may have not ever considered the long term impact of an affair. When you slept with your lover, you may have assume that once the ‘fling; was over that everything has ended.
The end of an affair is only the end of one phase of the affair. The impact of an affair sends ripples through generations.
Movies and songs have done a dis-service to people by making affairs appear to be something between adults that ends when the affair is terminated. They do not show how the consequences of those choices stretch across the generations. The shame is not limited to just the people involved.
The pain is not limited to those involved. The consequences are not limited to your lifetime.
You may believe that ‘what they don’t know won’t hurt them’, yet you’d be wrong. Even when affairs are not talked about, they still inflict damage.
Those scars from affairs are often the very factors that lead to health complications later in life. Although the medical journals have not found direct causation, rest assured that when you hold a grudge or hurt or guilt over many years, it impacts your health.
You may have told yourself in your mind that you did nothing wrong, yet your body knows differently. You can often fool your mind, but you can’t fool your body.
Affairs also open the door to establishing ‘family traditions’. Although you may see yourself as an independent agent, the reality is that the choices of previous generations act as scripts shaping your life and relationships.
It’s no surprise that many of the couples experiencing an affair also have family histories of affairs.
The choices of others impact you and your choices impacts future generations.
So a question to consider when looking at an affair is “How will this impact future generations?” It’s not a matter of “IF” it will.
Your actions, attitudes and choices will influence others. The concern is “how”.
Therapists working with genograms are very familiar with family patterns, including those of affairs. They know that the impact of an affair often stretches across generations.
So consider how you will want to steer the future, whether you’re the one who cheated or were cheated on.
When you know what the long term effects of the affair will be, you can take steps at remedying many of them. You can’t remove them all, yet you can improve relationships and reduce the dysfunction.
You can also break patterns within your family regarding affairs. When you know what the patterns are, there are interventions that disrupt and change those patterns.
If you are recovering from an affair and need a place to learn more along with having support, consider joining the support community at Restored Lifestyle. There you’ll find others who’ve gone through similar struggles along with access to the recovery material of SurviveYourPartnersAffair as part of your membership.
There are places for the betrayed, for cheaters and for couples working things out.
Best Regards,
Jeff
