Affairs are easier to start than to stop. The best time to end an affair is NOW! here’s what you need to know.
When is the best time to end an affair? <<– listen to the audio here
Hi, this is Jeff Murrah with Affair Recovery Radio. Today’s topic is when is the best time to end an affair.
Some of you may be thinking gee, that’s a silly thing to talk about. Well, from working with couples who have made it through affairs, working with people that are in the midst of struggling with it, although this seems to be a simple question there are some people that get stuck in the middle of it. They really struggle with the whole idea when they need to end the affair.
Especially a lot of cheaters. They’re not sure what’s the best time to end the affair. Because part of the problem is affairs are much easier to start than they are to stop.
The quick and easy answer, the best time to end the affair, is now. Star, circle, underline it. Now. And put exclamation points by it. Now. Waiting only prolongs the pain and will eventually widen the circle of hurt. Because affairs have a way of hurting more and more people and involving more and more people as time goes on.
Like a giant funnel it just sucks, or a giant vortex. Maybe I should put it that way. It just sucks everything down into this chaos, and there’s no better time to end the affair than now. If you’re waiting for this magical flashlight in the sky or lightning flash that says now’s the time, now’s the time, here it is. Do it now.
In terms of your solution I’ll be giving you some things that you can do. Ending the affair cold turkey is best. This takes you from having intentions of ending the affair to taking action. It’s real easy to sit there and talk, well I need to end it, I want to end it, I just don’t know how to end it. Choosing to go ahead and end it and taking steps on that is what you need to do.
You may have to ask for help with ending the affair. But there are many many things to think of. The longer you keep the affair going, your health and well-being are going to suffer, your reputation is going to suffer, your psychological health is more at risk with each day that it goes on.
Yes, the cheater may feel a little better about themselves during this time, because they’re kind of caught up in la-la land. They may not see the danger of the affair, but it is there.
Number two, second part of the solution, you’re going to have to cut off all communication. Staying connected with them makes a person vulnerable and easy to exploit. That means you are going to need to cut off the connections on Facebook, cut off the connections on Twitter, cut off the connections everywhere.
Does this mean that if you work with them that you’re not going to be able to see them? That should be what it means, but I know in many cases when you have affairs at work you’re not able to cut off all communication. You’re going to need to cut off as much as you can. Because any time that there is a toehold for them to get in to, it will be taken advantage of.
You don’t want to stay in connection. Because lovers know if they have any kind of connection with the cheater, that’s a toehold that they can expand and get back into their lives again. You don’t want to do that.
I have a saying to this one, what I call the 4 D danger. Delay due to decency is dangerous. Again, delay due to decency is dangerous. If you’re wanting to delay, well I would be unkind, or it would be mean of me to end it like that. No it wouldn’t! Do it. Do it now. Because any kind of delay, no matter what it’s due to, is dangerous. And you’re going to need to realize that.
For that reason you need to cut off all the communication, and you need to do it now.
Number three, you will need to remove all the gifts and keepsakes from the lover. I know the temptation is there. But I want to keep this, oh this is valuable, this is so pretty. They’re dangerous, because many times those little tokens remind you and they reactivate old memories.
When you surround yourself with memories it keeps things alive. That’s why you have keepsakes in your house, and likewise when the lover has these little gifts and they give you all these little keepsakes, it keeps those feelings stirred up in you. You don’t want that. You want that to end.
Some people need a transition to go from being in an affair to not being in an affair. If you’re one of those people, take all those gifts and all those keepsakes out, and burn them. Having a fire, fire many times has been part of rituals as part of a cleansing routine. And you may need to do it. Because it’s one thing when you say the affair’s cut off, when you can see things actually burning and being destroyed and done away with, it has a way of bringing closure to it in your mind.
These are ways to go ahead and start the whole process.
If you need help with number two, cutting off all communication, they’ve got (inaudible) nowadays that will help you to remove particular people from all of your social network sites. There is help out there in that arena.
I know some of you will feign technical ignorance. Well, I didn’t know they were still there or I don’t know how to remove them from my list. Don’t fall for that. You knew how to get them on there, you can get them off.
The best time to end an affair is now. And I gave you three things that you can start doing to get the ball rolling in this area. These are things that you can start on today. I encourage you to do so. Because this will help stop the prolonging of pain that often accompanies when you drag out the goodbyes.
Best Regards,
Jeff
