It amazes me how some professions have terms for unpleasant or emotionally upsetting tasks. They use words that make the task look routine and mechanical and downplay the emotionally upsetting part.
They find ways of separating the tasks, from the emotions that come with it. Changing the language makes it possible to complete the unsavory tasks.
This is a common practice in the military, law enforcement, and funeral services. This common practice has a price tag.
People in those fields develop an emotional distance and hardness. I refer to this as hardheartedness. The longer they remain, the harder they become.
One of the consequences of affairs is the emotional hardheartedness it brings about. The cheater is so accustomed to giving into their passions, they lost the emotional sensitivity they once had.
The emotional hardness brings a coldness to their relationships. The group that suffers greatly from this hardheartedness is their children.
Children didn’t cause the affair, yet they end up paying a high price for what happened. They end up losing their mother or father that once cared about them.
The hardheartedness leads to alienation and distance. It becomes a situation where parent and child are always distant and disconnected from each other.
The cheater thinks that regular visits or time will heal the situation. They go through the motions of being a good parent, but their heart is no longer with the family.
Anytime they see their children, they face reminders of the relationship they left behind.
The cheater still views themselves as a good parent by providing in some way, yet when their heart isn’t with the family, their children are missing out. The stigma of the affair pollutes their relationship.
Moving past these situations requires effort. Healing comes with honesty, trust, communication and forgiveness. The cheater needs to show that they are trust-worthy, even though they let their child down.
There can be healing for those willing to do the required work. In the video “How Can I Trust You Again?“, I address what is involved in rebuilding trust. Trust is also needed in the relationship between the parent and child.
Take the steps to bring healing to that relationship today. Click and download the video. Start rebuilding your relationships.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
