Back in 1742, Thomas Grey wrote a poem that included the line, “Where ignorance is bliss, ’tis folly to be wise.” Since then, the saying has been shortened to the phrase ‘ignorance is bliss’.
The phrase is used at those times you want to have blinders on and avoid seeing unpleasant things. Although it makes for a grand poetic gesture, when it comes to affairs, such thinking gets you in trouble.
Whether you refer to them as ‘deceptive affairs’, or ‘unwitting affairs’, there are situations where relationships form while being ignorant of marital status. This is when you hear the phrase “I didn’t know he was married!”
The cheater may have hid their marital status or the lover may have not wanted to consider it. Regardless of how it started, once you’re in the middle of it, getting yourself out poses some challenges.
You may have even had a relationship like that before you were married and never talked about it, since you didn’t consider it an affair. Although it started under deceptive conditions, it certainly turned into an affair.
Exiting those affairs of ignorance is emotionally grueling. The two of you developed feelings for each other and now they have to be turned off. Emotions are not like light switches that can be turned on and off with a simple motion.
Once you’re out of the relationship, it leaves you uneasy about future relationships. It leaves you with your guard up and less willing to take risks.
Even though you’re out of the relationship, there may still be some emotional and mental scars it left behind. Those scars can become barriers when not addressed.
It could be that your spouse has some of those scars from relationships they are unwilling to talk about. Their unwillingness to discuss them is a sure sign that some scarring occurred.
They may even be struggling with shame concerning their scars. Even admitting they have a scar is troubling for them.
They may be operating under the assumption of “If I don’t admit or talk about it, it doesn’t exist”. This is nothing more than another version of ignorance is bliss thinking applied to dealing with their own wounding.
This is where the video on “Overcoming Affair Trauma” can help improve your marriage. It gives you the tools needed in getting unstuck and moving past the effects of those affairs out of ignorance.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
