One of the occupational requirements of being a therapist is continuing education. Every licensing cycle, I’m required to attend classes on various topics.
This year, I finally listened to the Gottman’s (John and Julie) take on marriage and infidelity issues. It’s always refreshing hearing what others are finding. Although I’d heard of them over the years, I hadn’t read or listened to much of their material.
One item mentioned by Dr. John Gottman was that “Internet porn is the royal road to infidelity.” Apparently his research has led to this conclusion.
This means that when you discover cache’s of internet porn, it’s cause for concern. There are several reasons for it being concerning. For today, my focus is on where that road takes the consumer.
I know when traveling that once I am on the desired road, all I need to do is set the cruise control and relax. Apparently some set the cruise control on the royal road to infidelity and let their car do the driving as well.
Much like other journeys, you don’t get there immediately. As time passes, the porn consumer gets closer and closer to the affair. One of the ways this happens involves how the porn starts changing your brain.
Porn is also designed to hook the consumer. You want more and more of it. The images are designed to stick in your head and make you want more.
The occasional ogling turns into hours of consumption. Slowly it takes over all the brain space you give it. It’s no longer just a passing fancy.
It becomes the new normal for the consumer. Your brain gets so accustomed to the stimulation, it thinks it’s normal. Your brain also starts plotting and planning further adventures like affairs. The porn implants images and fantasies.
Does everyone who looks at porn end up cheating?
No, some wake up to what’s going on and turn themselves around. They change the patterns in their life. It also takes time changing their mind as well.
Porn does put the cheater in a high risk mindset. Their mind starts thinking faster and overriding logic and thinking in terms of consequences.
Porn consumption is one of those things that increases the risk of affair relapse. The more porn consumed, the higher the risk.
Porn is also designed for challenging and breaking down social mores. It changes what the consumer defines as ‘good sex’. It pushes the limits on what acts are considered good and enjoyable sex.
Porn is no longer a primarily male problem. The consumption of porn by females has shown surprising growth.
For more on preventing the dangers of Affair Relapse and dealing with high risk situations, consider purchasing the video on “Overcoming Affair Relapse“. In it, you’ll find what other behaviors you need to be aware of along with strategies for dealing with them.
Keeping It Real,
Jeff
