When your spouse has an affair, you are handed a full plate of rejection. When they have an affair with a member of their same gender it amounts to a double dose of rejection. There is the rejection of you, the rejection of marriage and the rejection of your values all in one fell swoop.
What is especially appalling is how the cheater wants you to behave like everything is alright and things are back to ‘normal’. When values and people are rejected left and right, there is no normal. The term normal is used in an attempt to appease your wrath and get you to calm down. They want you to accept them, accept what they did, and accept their new lifestyle without question. Common sense would dictate that you do not kick a person when they are down. The demands of the cheater in this situation amounts to not just kicking you while you are down, they are kicking you in the mouth, the heart, your privates and then kicking your values down the drain. The nerve of them wanting and expecting you to treat them as ‘respectable’ and to show deference to their rejection is extreme.
This kind of audacity reminds me of when I was being sued by a family member for over a million dollars. One of the lawyers remarked, what is another zero? They commented that when you are in a lawsuit, if you are pushing for $500,000 it is not much of a stretch to push it to a million. Or while you are at it add another zero. The same mindset is going on with the cheater. While they are rejecting you, why not reject your values, your traditions, and everything about you. Then while you are down, demand that you treat them with respect and to honor their lifestyle and consider it the ‘new normal’.
The cheaters behavior amounts to nothing more than new variation of bullying. The more you give into the bullying, the more it will continue. You may not be able to control you spouse. But you do have control over what you believe and what you consider acceptable and what you consider unacceptable. They may have taken away your piece of mind, but they do not have to soil your soul.
Best Regards,
Jeffrey D. Murrah
