One of the tasks I have done each spring is weeding the front beds. I’ve learned the importance of hiring a good professional yard man for the task rather than the “Five dollar Phil” neighborhood kid.
The kids just pull the tops off the weeds rather than pull out the whole weed. It looks okay initially, but in a few weeks, the truth reveals itself.
Ripping them out by the roots takes longer, yet the results lasts longer. I also end up paying more for getting the job done right.
When it comes to recovering from affairs, the lessons from my front beds can help you. You may be settling for the ‘Five dollar Phil’ fixes rather than lasting solutions. When you think that ending the affair is the end game, you are settling for the ‘Five Dollar Phil’ solution.
Ending the affair is certainly a good thing, yet it’s only one condition of affair recovery, NOT the goal. If ending the affair is all that you’re after, you’re being short-sighted and don’t see the big picture.
The big picture is that your marriage needs help. The relationship between you and your spouse is not at its full potential. Ending the affair makes the cheater available for you, but has not rekindled any closeness or addressing the habits keeping the two of you distant from each other.
Thinking that ending the affair fixes everything amounts to thinking you’re well when you are finally out of the pain. When your body heals from surgery, the end of your pain is only one stage. Likewise, the end of the affair is only once stage in recovery.
You and your spouse need to learn what it means to enjoy each other again. This is so much more than just ending the affair. Ending the affair removes a danger, but it doesn’t mean that their heart and head are in a good place. It doesn’t mean you’re immune from future affairs.
It’s dangerous thinking your marriage is safe just because the affair is over. You removed the visible danger, but haven’t taken care of the hidden ones.
Having a good relapse prevention plan is not just about strategies for overcoming risks. A good relapse prevention plan is also about retraining the cheaters brain and habits.
This is why I’ve included such strategies in the video “Preventing Affair Relapse“. Relapse is MORE than just ending the affair. Ending the affair is just the beginning of recovery.
When you realize you are beginning a new chapter in your marriage, you’re going to want the job done right.
Best Regards,
Jeff
