There’s something oddly entertaining, yet tragic witnessing a child pitching a fit in a store. When the child sincerely cries out “I’ll die if I don’t get Frostie Flakes” (or whatever product they had their eyes on) you wince and smile at the same time.
Hopefully the fit episode doesn’t last long. The drawn out ones are painful and pathetic. They’re especially painful when you are trapped on a plane with them.
The child makes desperate pleas, claiming how the desired product is needed for them to want to live and love their parent, while alternating with threats of withdrawing their love. The child is plainly out of control going from one extreme of the life enhancing aspects of the product to condemning their parent as the worst of the worst.
At times I’ve gotten angry at the parent for letting things get that out of hand, especially when the tantrum time comes. It’s pitiful when the child is laying on the floor of the store, pitching a fit.
Such scenarios are painful at first, yet make for entertaining stories. The stories are always more entertaining when they aren’t your children throwing the fits.
What’s more tragic is that many cheaters, when they are honest with themselves and you, pitch similar fits. They want the affair so badly that their whole survival depends on it.
They exaggerate situations to where the affair becomes a life or death scenario in their minds.
Consider if they verbalized, “My life will have no meaning if I don’t have the affair” or “You are the meanest spouse in the world for not letting me sleep around”. It’s the same cries of the toddler, only now it’s coming from an adult cheater. These selfish affair fit beliefs lead them in making poor choices.
As part of Affair Recovery, these ‘Affair Fit Beliefs’ need to be challenged. You have to question whether these irrational thoughts when you encounter them.The longer they remain unquestioned, the greater the foothold they produce in the cheater.
Although these fits sound irrational, these are the thoughts the cheater is telling themselves in their head. This is part of the self-talk going on inside them.
They need your help challenging those temper-tantrum like thoughts and desperation behind them when it happens. Inside their head, a selfish spoiled child needs reminding of reality.
Reminding them that their life will not be over if they don’t have the affair, life will not lose its meaning, they will not lose their sense of purpose, they will not lose joy for the rest of their lives and so on.
If you want to know more about handling affair relapse, the video, “Preventing Affair Relapse” guides you through more of what you need in reducing the threat of the cheater relapsing. If your Relapse Prevention Plan is missing key ingredients, you are inviting more relationship problems.
Best Regards,
Jeff
